To my 500 and some closest friends on Facebook. . .there is something I need to tell you. Some things I need to get off my chest. I have been living a lie. For those of you who look at my pretty, instagrammed pictures, carefully worded statuses and the very selective bits of my life that I have chosen share, you have been deceived! Contrary to what I seem to want everyone to believe, I am a hot mess, and for some reason today I feel the need to purge. So here are 10 things you should know about me:
1. I am the world's worst communicator. Okay, so this one won't come as a shock to all of you who know me well. I am horrible at answering my phone (or even knowing where it is most of the time), returning messages or texts and keeping in touch. I hate phones and email and voice mail and gah! I am just terrible at this!
2. I am horrible at finding balance in my life. Again, shocked anyone? I either obsess about everything and insist that it is perfect or I give up completely and abandon all efforts. My house tends to either be spotless or a complete pit. There is no in between. I am either on top of the world or ready to throw myself in front of a bus. This makes me so much fun to live with. Seriously. Ask my kids.
3. I don't sort my laundry. None of it. Jeans, whites, brights, towels, delicates - they all go into one merry load. And I seriously cannot remember last time I ironed anything. I don't even know if I still have an iron. Bliss.
4. Nothing in my house stays organized for longer than 2 seconds. I try. Really I do. I drool over pictures of beautifully arranged linen closets and laundry rooms on Pinterest. I spend hours putting everything in bins and baskets and alphabetizing spice racks. And somewhere, someone hits a reset button and it all just reverts back to chaos.
5. My car and van are always a mess. A gross, disgusting, embarrassing mess.
6. I am terrible at praying. This one is hard. I so want to be good at this, faithful in this. When I tell someone I will pray for them, I want to spend real time before the Father - lifting them up and pouring myself out on their behalf. Most of the time I end up uttering a guilty, quick one-liner because the truth is I have forgotten and just not made the time. When others say that they have been praying for their children's future spouses since the day they were born, my stomach knots up with guilt. I have not prayed for my husband or my kids with anything close to that kind of faithfulness.
7. We have never successfully done regular, family devotions. We try really hard to talk about God and His unending love for us - "when we are at home or driving down the road. When we lay down at night and get up in the morning." All the time we hope that our lives and conversations are seasoned with authentic discussions, praise, learning and challenging each other regarding the Scriptures. But we have tried what seems like a hundred different formats and books only to ultimately peter out or give up on every form of organized, regular family devotions.
8. I throw world class temper tantrums. Seriously. Ones that could shame the fiercest 2 year old.
9. I hate field trips. And class parties. And school activities. I have never baked my kids a home made birthday cake or been in the PTO and I avoid chaperoning anything like the plague. I love my kids. Really! But I am so bad at this part of being a mom.
10. His grace is sufficient for me. This is the one I'm going to choose to remember today.
