More Than Okay

So I did it.  I drove to the third largest city in the United States and delivered my daughter into the hands of complete strangers who, for the next four years, will have the greatest earthly opportunity to shape and direct her future.

We sweated as we climbed way too many stairs and laughed as the dads struggled to stack and rearrange furniture with too many of us crammed into the tiny, un-airconditioned dorm room.  We drank coffee and marveled over the pretty oasis of a campus nestled in the crowded, urban neighborhood. We ate really, really good Crab Rangoon and Pad Woon Sen from a gem of a dive across the street.

We visited the book store and bought the obligatory college gear.  We listened to convocation speeches and drank more coffee so that we would not fall asleep during said speeches, and sang the NPU alma mater.  We concluded the evening with a picnic dinner and worship service designed to turn already emotional parents into certified basket cases.   And then finally, we did the inevitable.  We hugged last hugs and sniffled last, "I love yous" and took last looks and awkwardly said our, "See you laters." And I did okay.  I really did.

Because I know she's going to be okay.  More than okay.  This was always the goal and even though I never will be, she is so ready.

Tucked into a small chest I left her this letter.

Ladybug,

So, I am sitting here staring at a blank screen and everything I try to write doesn’t come close to communicating all that I want to say, or sounds so very trite.  You know, “How did we get here so quickly?” and “Where did the time go?”

But really?  Where? 

I know we have joked much about me not having an emotional breakdown, but now that the moment has actually arrived, I am not so sure.  I hope you’ll indulge me. 

It’s been true. . .sending you off on the greatest adventure of your life really hasn’t been as hard as I expected, mostly because I am utterly and completely blown away by the woman you are in Christ.  When you know that your daughter’s heart desires God’s glory above her own there is confidence in her ability to choose well.  When your child is compassionate and kind and broken hearted for a sin-sick world, you can trust she will live a life of service that will bring her joy and purpose.  When your daughter is more in love with Jesus than all the trappings of the world, you know that her life will be filled with contentment and happiness that all the money in the world could never buy.   And K, I know this all to be true of you.  You have taught me so much about trusting that God is faithful.  How could I not be overflowing with joy and excitement for the journey ahead?!

Still, I have no doubt that the enemy would love to see you fall into a pit.  Faith like yours is dangerous and he will seek to hinder your effectiveness for Christ any way he can.

He will prey on your insecurity and tell you that you are alone even when you are surrounded by people who love you.  You are NEVER alone!  You have a family who ADORES you beyond expression.  You have an incredible community at Chatham, at Lakeside, and spread around the world.  People who have known you for a year and people who have known you for a lifetime and who have all been just as affected by your amazing heart as me.  Don’t you ever let Satan make you believe that lie for one second.  You are never alone. 

He will try to convince you that people better and smarter than you do not believe in this Christian nonsense.  At some point, you will probably go through this faith crisis and that’s okay!  God has not asked you to suspend rational thought.  Christianity is true.  It can withstand digging and questioning and prying.  Brilliant men and women have been brought to their intellectual knees by the power and truth of the Gospel.  When that time comes, be honest.  Ask questions. Doubt.  Wrestle.  Dig into the Scriptures.  But you fight.  You fight to find the truth, and if you do that, I know that you will ultimately find the Life the Truth and the Way.

He will seek to distract you.  With boys.  With friends.  With work and classes and stress and media and anything else that can make you less effective for the sake of the Gospel.  Be focused.  Live every moment with intention and purpose.  Nothing else is worth abandoning your life for. . .and in doing so you will find Life!  Life that is real, and that overflows into the world around you like streams of living water into the desert. 

He will tempt you to use your gifts for your own glory and gratification.  And you are so gifted, but those talents belong to God alone and they were given to you for one purpose:  to make known the only One worthy of glory.    Worldly recognition and prizes are so much garbage in comparison to the reward of finding your place in the Kingdom and drawing others to the mercy found at the cross.  Nothing else compares!  There is joy and peace and purpose and fulfillment here that can be found nowhere else. 

He will do his very best to tailor make a pit designed just for you.  I want you to be aware and guarded.  But so much more than that I want you to be confident and secure because You belong to the One who has orchestrated every moment of your life to bring you to this place at this moment in time.  Dream big!  He has a plan beyond anything you could ask or imagine and you are standing on the edge of that cliff.  Ready, set. . .jump with abandon!

There has been NO greater joy in my life than to watch who you are becoming in Christ.  That feeling grows for me with every new adventure you take.    As I think about you leaving it truly does feel as though my heart could break.  But I have such confidence in your ability to navigate this next part of the journey and I am filled with such joyful anticipation when I think about your future that the sorrow is nearly swept away.  Nearly.  Your dad is going to have to endure some tearful moments from me, I think over the next days.  Maybe weeks. 

When you are overwhelmed, Home is always here.  I will be there in the blink of an eye if you need me.  When life gets too heavy or serious, pop in Gilmore Girls and watch the episode where Kirk does the freaky, interpretive dance.  Bahahahah. . .Remember the one?!  I am only ever a phone call or a train ride away and I will be praying for you with every ounce of strength I possess.  As much as I want to hold onto you, you don’t really belong to me.  You are His alone.  When everything else in life changes, that truth will remain.  Abide in it.  Abide in Him..

I love you.

Mom