Sammy's words in this blog are her own! I have helped her clean up some of the grammar for the sake of clarity and asked questions to help her flesh out her story but the vernacular and vocabulary are hers and hers alone. I have added a few parenthetical statements of my own for clarification. These are the pieces she is bravely choosing to share that someone else might be encouraged, challenged, or moved by her story. The first blog in the series can be found here.
Sammy's Story:
Hi, my name is Samantha.
I am sixteen years old. My
favorite color is blue. I love to sing
and dance, and I love Justin Bieber.
Don't hate. I just got my
driver's license a couple of months ago.
I was ecstatic!
I have a lot of
siblings (ten that she knows of, between her adoptive and biological families). I have a crazy family because
I am adopted. I was taken into foster
care at age 12. I was extremely angry
that they took us from my mom. The
night they took us away--there were 6 of us--we had to spend the night at the
agency because they didn't have anywhere for us to go. The next day we were split up. Three of us went to our aunt's house and the
rest of us to a cousin's house. At
first it wasn't too bad because we were with family. We still got to see our cousins and people we
had ties with. We knew our family
wanted to help us. We stayed there for a
few months and then they started to have family problems. It was too much for them to handle with all
of us and we had to move. That was when it got
really hard because they started to split us up. In the next two years I moved 17 times. (Sammy's adoptive and foster records actually indicate that she moved 26 times in 24 months.) I never had a connection anywhere. I wanted to be with my mom. I could never really settle down and I never
really fit anywhere. I was so angry at
everyone all of the time and it was hard for me to get along with people.
I used to get in trouble a lot. I thought maybe if I got in trouble enough,
nobody would want me and I could go back to my mom. Sometimes I wouldn't get to see my brothers
and sisters for a long time. The only
time we got to see each other was at visits at the agency, maybe once a
moth. It was always really hard to leave those visits. It would make me
so angry and afraid that I might not see them again. A couple of my placements were with some of
my sisters and those were the best ones.
After about 2 years of bouncing around foster homes, I met
the Daniels at the agency. I was
excited because I knew that I might get to stay in a place or even be adopted with
some of my siblings. I thought it was
weird that they lived in the country and I was a city girl. I wondered why they wanted to adopt us.
Moving to their house was hard. There was a lot going on. I had to change schools again. There were four of us moving in. They already had three kids. It felt really weird to think about a home
that actually wanted to adopt us.
Our adoption was finalized about a year and a half ago. I was really conflicted about it. Part of me wanted to be adopted and part of
me didn't. I still feel that way. (That's a whole other blog we
will write later!) We have had a lot of
ups and downs since then. I want to write this blog because I think it
might help other kids who are going through this process so they can know they
are not alone. Even though they are
going through it, they can know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Even if they feel conflicted at the time,
they can know it might end up being the best thing for them. This is why I want to tell my story.
Chris, Sammy, Shanita (Sammy's biological mom), and Tashiana
Chris' Story
In August of 2012, my family took a vacation to Florida. This is what our family looked like back then:
As we do on most of our vacations, we drove. We love the spontaneity and adventure that comes along with a good road trip. In our years with our children, much of our best conversation has happened in the car...maybe because they are a captive audience.
On this particular road trip, after some incredible conversations about faith and what it looks like to really live this thing out for our family, our two oldest posed a really challenging question. It went something like this, "Mom and Dad, we have talked about God calling our family to adoption for as long as we can remember. Are we just going to keep talking about it, or are we ever going to be obedient and just do it?"
Sheesh. Talk about accountability. We spent much of the rest of that drive home worshiping, praying, and seeking God. With great excitement, we started the process to become licensed for foster care shortly after returning home from that vacation.
It is so interesting to look back on the process now. In fact, it is quite jarring to recognize the gulf between the process for us, which was filled with joy and anticipation, and the process for our children, filled with grief and pain and loss.
As we jumped through all of the hoops to get our home licensed, prepared and rearranged bedrooms, and did our best to prepare our hearts for the major adjustments to come, we were overwhelmed with the support and encouragement of our church family. Once again, while we experienced the joy of family and community, our kids were drowning in separation, alienation, and rejection.
Still, we did anticipate the growth of our family with great joy as we learned of 4 siblings who needed placement together (Two more sisters were already in permanent, stable placements.) We knew this would stretch us beyond our capacity, but we trusted intently that God would provided what we needed if this was where He was calling and by April of 2013, our little family had grown to this:
This picture, by the way, was taken in the same place in Florida where God moved our hearts more firmly toward adoption. Full circle. It took nearly 2 1/2 years to finalize the adoption, but in July of 2015 we took these photos in the courthouse downtown. (Getting a good, functional picture of our family requires an act of God.)
Again,this day was filled with conflicting truths and emotions: joy, and pain, beginning and end, separation and union, anticipation and regret, sorrow and hope. It is strange how these emotions can simultaneously inhabit such close quarters, but they absolutely do and for kids who have already been drug onto a roller coast ride of emotions that they never asked for, it can be incredibly confusing and overwhelming. When they asked Sammy if she consented to this adoption (as they do with children 14 and older) I held my breath. I was honestly unsure what she would say as she had wavered many times in the preceding months. She said yes.
The gravity of that 'yes' was not lost on me and as I sat in that courtroom with some powerfully conflicting emotions of my own, I begged God for healing, connection, and peace for her heart and for our family. Every day since then has been a step toward His answer to that prayer. The answers have not come as quickly or completely as I would like to demand, but as they unfold they are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.
The adoption has been finalized for just over a year now and sometimes I think we are beginning to find some solid footing. Other days I wonder if we have gained any ground at all. But every moment, He has been faithful, and more than this story is ours, I pray it will be His.
So glad you are sharing your testimony with others Sammy! I am sure God will use it to encourage others and strengthen you!
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